i-D: Par Femme might be the internet’s most fashionable sex shop

While we’ve come a long way since the sealed section in our teen magazines, the current conversations surrounding women’s sexual liberation only ever tend to start and stop with the physical self. Not to mention, bring to mind the a series of unappealing pleasure items and sex shops. To Monica Nakata, founder and former publisher of Oyster, and Ruby Heery, stylist and former fashion editor, it seemed crazy that there wasn’t a space dedicated to this subject in a relevant and aesthetically pleasing way. So they created it.

French for ‘by woman’, ParFemme.net is their new multi-dimensional view of women’s sexuality; dedicated to exploring the notions of feminine and committed to removing the taboos surrounding sex. It’s a place where you can buy a piece from Holly Ryan, a pair of cute undies plus a new toy and all while reading about how to squirt or the history of the female orgasm. Recognising that “we all want to feel beautiful, feel pleasure and feel ourselves” they’re committed to serving up content that offers a new kind of inclusive, female gaze.

We caught up with the co-founders to chat about why women need a safe space to acknowledge themselves as sexual beings and explore themselves and their bodies.

Where did the concept of Par Femme come from?

Ruby Heery: I was always interested in the notion of ‘the feminine’, and how female sensuality has been captured in imagery throughout history. How accurate are these representations? How did they make women feel at the time? So I began to curate a body of imagery on Instagram, and I called the account Par Femme. One day at work I showed Monica and her eyes lit up. I think it was from that moment that we started to see the possibilities.

Par Femme is a whole store dedicated to looking at female sexuality - it encompasses t-shirts and jewellery as well as toys. How did you want to expand the idea of a store beyond clothes?

Monica Nakata: We always saw Par Femme as offering a total lifestyle experience. It seemed crazy to us that there wasn’t really any kind of store that catered to more than just the body side of things — nothing that also catered to the mind and how women were living day-to- day. Par Femme is about the little things — a candle, a fragrance, a little piece of jewellery, but also about the memory of a funny erotic short story, and about the undies you wear under your jeans that make you feel great throughout the day. It’s about the detail and about the meaning behind the products.

Do you feel as though there is a pre-existing relationship between fashion and erotica? What is it? Where do you see that heritage?

Ruby: Definitely, fashion and erotica are both expressive of a woman’s sense of self. And they can each have a transformative quality, which I think is essential to the human psyche. We all want to feel beautiful, to feel pleasure, and to feel ourselves. Both fashion and erotica are about identity and how we express our inner nature. And fashion has always reflected changing ideas and ideals of female sexuality. The relationship has always been there.

Female sexuality can be presented as quite one-dimensional, how are you trying to expand that view?

Ruby: Par Femme is about a multi-dimensional definition of women’s sexuality. (And by women we mean anyone who identifies as a woman or with a woman’s point of view). Our vision is ultimately intended to encompass a wide spectrum. We’re just starting out but there’s so much we can do. We really want to reach into the far corners of the erotic world. We’ll provide content for women to explore their erotic impulses, maybe finding new interests along the way. The shop is there to support that.

You mentioned you’re working to make sure you aren’t marginalising men, for example Par Femme is collaborating with male photographers, why is it important that you include men in the conversation surrounding female sexuality?

Monica: Even though Par Femme is all about ‘the feminine’, from the get-go it seemed ludicrous to exclude people of other genders from the conversation or from working with us. The difference with Par Femme is that women are holding the reins, directing the vision, making the final decisions. In any field, it’s important to be inclusive.

How do you engage men without overly sexualising women? It’s an overused term, but how do you counteract the “male gaze”?

Ruby: Par Femme is about creating a fresh gaze — which is a perspective that men may very well find compelling. We’re creating imagery that appeals to us, imagery that makes us feel some type of way — and through this, trusting that what makes us feel something will also make other women, and men, and all genders feel something too.

This article was originally published on i-D.co in 2016.